Do You Have Wedding Envy
Put your hand up if you have wedding envy. Riiiight up, where I can see them. Okay, I’m imagining a lot of blank faces wondering what the hell I’m talking about…so let me explain.
Envy and jealousy get a lot of bad press as emotions, and I feel a lot of the time it’s because we’re not honest and open about them. We spend so much time trying to put on a good face and be selfless that in actual fact we repress our own feelings and end up just feeling miserable. The less we talk about envy and jealousy, the more taboo it becomes. And to be honest, I don’t think the opinions of these emotions have progressed much since they were written in The Book of Proverbs. So I thought we could help each other by being honest. I’m going to be brave and go first.
Maybe it’s because weddings are my job, or I am just wedding-obsessed, but when anyone talks about their wedding I really wish that it was mine. I hate ‘Don’t Tell The Bride’ for this very reason, it’s excruciatingly difficult to see people go from being engaged to married within an hour’s viewing time. “Where’s my wedding?!” I hear myself scream at the beaming bride on tv, before sobbing into my weetabix. (It’s a rock and roll lifestyle, this wedding planning malarky). I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, which is probably why I’ve found myself in this particular field of work. I’m not ready to be married yet, I still have so much that I want to achieve before I take such a major step in my life, but for whatever reason I just want to have my very own wedding day.
Maybe it’s the dress, maybe it’s being surrounded by my friends and family all together for one amazing day, or maybe it’s that I just have so many wedding ideas that I want the opportunity to bring them all together. Whatever the cause, it’s wedding envy. I know that I’m a wedding planner, but I am planning other people’s ideal days; not my own. Because of that reason I have planned about ten versions of my own wedding in my head, and now I’m yearning for an opportunity to pull them all into one big day.
Whenever I attend a wedding, I am ecstatic for the happy couple, but I also find myself daydreaming about myself walking down the aisle on the greatest day of my life. I’m sure it’s a testament to how great all of these weddings have been that they’ve managed to have this effect on me, and conjure up all these pictures of the future in my head.
I think the best comparison I can make is to feeling broody when other people are having babies. You are so happy for your friend or whoever it is who has just given birth, but at the same time you can’t help thinking about how much you want a child and envisioning what it will be like. It’s not a bad thing, if anything it’s a really positive thing that you have so much to look forward to in the future, and that you can’t wait to get cracking! The same with weddings. ‘Wedding envy’ can sound like such a negative expression, but if anything it’s a compliment to the people whose wedding you’re envious of. At the end of the day, if their wedding was terrible then there’d be no way you’d be dreaming about it for yourself.
At the same time, I think this is one of the reasons why I love planning weddings so much. I understand how much this day means to people because I know how much that day will mean to me. I appreciate how important it is that this day is everything that you want it to be, because hopefully you only have one wedding! This is partially why the wedding industry is worth so much, because everyone wants their day to be such a wonderful occasion; especially after experiencing envy after attending everyone else’s.
Maybe it’s just the way my brain works; I’m always on the look-out for inspiration, which means that I always find new and interesting ideas to incorporate into a wedding. Whether it’s interesting themes, categories of music, or different ways of evoking emotions from guests - it’s all in my head. Today, for example, as I was driving along in my car listening to the radio, I decided it would be a fab idea to have a wedding playlist which reflected each stage of a couple’s life. A song which described a first meeting, a song which described needing someone, and a song which aptly described the couple’s experience of falling in love.
So maybe I’m not envious of other people’s weddings, maybe I’m just jealous for the opportunity to carry out all of my ideas, and what this day means to me. As I have already hypothesised, maybe I just want to be surrounded by my family and friends for one big party, in which case I don’t have to wait for my wedding day for that to happen. Why don’t I find another occasion to get everyone together in one room and have a right knees up! No-one’s going to say no to a party after all are they? Perhaps it’s the dress - in which case, I can find a killer dress to wear to the party and feel amazing; and yes, it might as well be white.
On a less superficial note, often when we are envious it is a sign that something is not quite right in our lives. If everything was at an equilibrium and we had everything in balance, then we would not lust after something we didn’t have yet; we would feel perfectly happy. So if you are feeling pangs of jealousy or envy, then take some time to figure out what it is in your life that you need to give some attention to. For me, this probably means getting comfortable at the stage of my life that I’m at now, and understanding that not everyone’s life follows the same path. I am going to watch a lot of my friends get married before me, and as much as I long for the day that I’m going to walk down that aisle, I know that starting and running my own business ultimately means more to me than my wedding day. So I need to cherish what I’m doing now, not wish my life away. And the same goes for everyone.
So if any of this resonates with you, then you too may have wedding envy. You too may dream of cake tasting, dress shopping, and saying ‘I Do’ and can’t wait until it’s your turn; and that’s okay. So say it to yourself a couple of times, accept it, and let’s get rid of this stigma around ‘envy’. It may have been one of the Seven Deadly Sins back in the day, but envy can be a great motivator to get us to where we want to be. So let’s embrace it! Just try to enjoy the stage of your life that you’re at now. And girls, you can breathe a sigh of relief because the wedding season for this year is almost over!