What To Do When You Feel Like Your Bridesmaids Are Letting You Down
Unfortunately, this scenario is reported time and time again. The unfortunate part being that in the run-up to the most important day of your life, you feel let down by the people you have chosen to stand up there next to you.
Examples of this complaint range from: “my bridesmaid doesn’t seem interested in my wedding plans”, “my bridesmaids aren’t communicating with me”, and “my maid of honour isn’t putting any effort into planning my hen do”. Load up any wedding planning forum for brides and you’ll see that every other post is about those pesky bridesmaids not pulling their weight, so clearly ‘bridesmaidzilla’ is the newest national pandemic. The other 50% of the posts are concerning mother-in-laws, fyi. That old chestnut.
Now, I can understand how hurtful it can feel if your friends don’t seem to be as interested as you want them to be. But, as with anything in life, it’s important to keep things in perspective. And I’m sorry to be the one to have to point this out blatantly, but not everyone cares as much about your wedding as you do.
Your bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, flower girls, officiant, etc. all have their own lives and things going on during the time you are planning your wedding. Whilst you sit there every evening and morning and lunchtime thinking about your chair covers, cake, and caterers; your bridesmaids lives are continuing as normal. They’re walking their dogs, vehemently discussing coronation street storylines, and trying to cope with the aftermath of Brexit. Trust me, they’re absolutely delighted and honoured to be part of your big day but they can’t be blamed for not being enthralled when you invite them out for lunch and then chat endlessly about the latest order of your wedding playlist.
There’s no expectation on your bridesmaids to do anything more than walk down the aisle in a pretty dress and pose for some photos with you after the ceremony. When you asked them to take on the role, this is all they thought it involved. So if you want their assistance and involvement beyond that then you need to make that clear to them, and then let them decide if they’re game. They may not have the time to give up every other weekend to escort you to wedding fairs or make origami swans as favours.
Guess who is free every other weekend to do these things with you? Your mum. Apart from a wedding planner, your mum is the only person who is going to love every second of planning your wedding with you and will never get bored of talking to you about it. Even your husband-to-be would rather be chatting about football down the pub however much he protests otherwise. So why not use this as an opportunity to spend some quality time with your mum? I’m sure she has plenty of her own wedding stories and photos she would love to share as well. Warning: all outfits in these photos are bound to be fashion nightmares which will make you question every single one of your mum’s life choices.
One exception to the expectation rule is the maid of honour. As with great honour comes great responsibility. Accepting the invitation to be MOH generally comes with the acceptance of being in charge of the planning the hen party. If you feel that your maid isn’t making any concrete plans or seem interested in throwing your hen then by all means ask her if she wants any input or ideas - it may be that she’s simply a bit overwhelmed and doesn’t want to organise something that you might not love! Or, the reason why she might have gone all quiet on you may be because she is planning the best weekend of your life and wants it to be a complete surprise. Usually, it’s the bride’s nearest and dearest that get to be the maid of honour and so rest assured that they’ll want to pull out all of the stops for you.
However, if they genuinely do seem quite disinterested and uncommunicative with you about the hen party and wedding as a whole there may be something else going on with them. So do check in with them and make sure everything’s okay. As hectic as your life is at the moment with getting married your friends still have their own lives, as we have discussed, that they may need support with. You don’t want to be that girl who forgets about everyone else because she’s getting married and comes back from the honeymoon to find out everyone’s narked with you. Who’ll fawn over your photos and tell you they’re jealous of your tan otherwise?
So honestly, take it easy. Your wedding lasts for one day, or two if you’re into this whole wedding weekend thing! (Prosecco for 48 hours instead of 24? Yes please!) Whereas friends last a lifetime. Well they will if you take an interest in their dog walking, coronation street theories, and brexit breakdowns. Remember, it’s a two way street. Sure, they may not seem as excited as you are about your wedding, but you won’t be as excited about theirs. And that’s okay. So in the meantime, invite them round for a cuppa and talk about something else, ANYTHING ELSE. I mean, you’ll need to talk about something else when the wedding’s all over; you may as well get the practice in now.
And if you reeeeeeeally want someone to talk about it with 24/7, I will always be happy to grab a coffee with you and sit for hours discussing the tiny little details, so hit me up. It’s all I talk about anyway. Or sign up to an online forum for brides-to-be (they have a fab one on www.confetti.co.uk) and join the sisterhood! You can bridesmaid-bash all you want there #nojudgement.