How To Survive A Wedding When You’re Heartbroken
I’m so sorry. We’ve all got the January Blues and here I am talking about weddings and heartbreak. However, I have been in this position and it’s just the plain worst. So, if I can make it any easier for anyone else then I’m at least going to try.
Most people at weddings can’t help looking at the happy couple and then wondering what their wedding will be like. Some people will be able to picture the person they want at the altar, some people will be curious as to who they’ll be standing next to when they eventually say their vows, and some people will know exactly who they would like next to them on their wedding day but sadly they are no longer together. This blog post is for you guys. Having to attend a wedding when you’ve just gone through a messy break-up is like being asked to go to Crufts when your dog has just died. Why are you going to want to go and be surrounded by all of these other dogs when you can never be with your dog again?
Most people get caught up in the romance at weddings (I say most because one of my New Year’s resolutions is to stop overgeneralising). It’s a day of celebrating love, so you’ve got to be pretty cold to not feel at least the hint of joy when the happy couple are enjoying their first dance together as Mr and Mrs. But, if you’ve just been dumped, or you are in fact the dumper, then you’re probably not going to feel pure elation at the sight of two people twirling around to John Legend. You’re not going to think he’s a legend at all! You’re going to resent him for making you listen to this romantic drivel when it feels like your heart is going to shatter in your chest. And you’re going to miss the person who broke your heart more than you thought you could ever miss anyone.
There are different ways to handle a wedding when you are broken hearted, depending on which stage of the break-up you are at...
You’ve probably gone through the break-up very recently. You’re in the depressed state where you can’t stop crying, and you’re probably listening to romantic ballads to torture yourself even further. You may not be socialising or leaving the house very often given how crappy you’re feeling, but you have to attend your friend’s wedding.
Don’t get drunk… tears of the non-happy kind are never welcome at weddings.
Do try to separate your situation from the person who is getting married. Remember, you don’t have to view this as a celebration of love in general; this is a celebration of your friend’s / sister’s / aunty’s love for their partner. If you isolate this celebration from feelings of romance in general then you are far less likely to feel as alone and miserable as you have been, and can just feel happy for them instead.
The stage where you start analysing your own behaviours within the relationship, and the things that you did which may have contributed to its eventual downfall. Featuring symptoms of self-hatred, paranoia, and misery.
Don’t whine - if a nice guy / girl approaches you don’t shut them down just because you’re having a downer on yourself; they don’t know you’ve just been through a break-up so don’t take it out on them. Accept it for the compliment that it is, and politely decline to dance / get a drink if you’re just not feeling it.
Do remind yourself of all of the good things about yourself, and the people in your life that love you for those things. You can’t be that bad or you wouldn’t have been invited to someone’s wedding. Catch-up with people who you haven’t seen in awhile because of distance, the fact you’ve been in a relationship, etc. Arrange to meet up with them after the wedding, and accept the fact that when they agree that’s because you’re not a truly horrible person.
However you felt when the relationship broke down, you have now forgotten all the negative things about your ex and are now wishing you had them back in your life. I studied psychology at school and was amazed when learning about the breakdown of relationships to discover that we, as humans, tend to bash the life out of our ex to our friends (known as ‘grave-dressing’, very morbid) in order to make ourselves look better, to then go and start thinking they’re some kind of saint again a few months later. But, it definitely happens.
Don’t text them because you’ve had a couple of drinks and you’re feeling nostalgic. Especially if you or they have a new significant other. Yes, everything in the room might remind you of them but if you’re seriously thinking about getting back together with them make sure you’ve made that decision away from a room full of love and alcohol. Also it’s not fair on your new partner or theirs to start an emotional affair, which is what that is.
Do enjoy the way you feel. Looking back on a relationship with fond feelings is the ideal place to reach after the dissolution of a relationship.You can’t take it back so there’s no point regretting that it happened. And happiness and contentment is always better than anger; for you and them. So, with that - get up and dance and show your friend that you’re happy to be there. Also, you’re going to look far better in those pictures on Facebook if you’re up having a dance than sitting there with Resting Bitch Face. Aaand untag.
It’s been a few months since you and your other half broke up, you don’t think about them that much anymore and you’re considering using the opportunity of being around a lot of single people at a wedding to your advantage. There’s nothing wrong with this, there’s a million and one cliches involving horses and all sorts to attest to this… just do it the right way.
Don’t hook up with someone that the bride or groom would resent you hooking up with. Rebounds are fairly self-indulgent, and whilst that’s fine, you still need to appreciate other people’s feelings at the same time. If your friend is the bride would she really want you hooking up with her brother just because you two have always had a bit of a connection? You may have had a tough few months and feel entitled to some fun but it’s best to not make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
Do be discreet. Yes, weddings are a notorious place for hookups a plenty but nobody needs to see it happening, especially given that they are primarily a family event. Don’t start grinding on the dance floor, don’t snapchat the details to your friends, and don’t make mention of it anywhere your ex might hear about it. Wait until the evening when your behaviour can disappear under the radar, and don’t whatever you do steal the attention from the bride and groom.
When you’ve just had your heart-broken, going to a wedding and listening to all of these sentiments about true love and soulmates is probably the very last thing you want to do. But sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do in life. But what you can do is think of ways to make the situation better. I hope I have provided you with at least some ways of coping with this situation, and just remember it’s just one day. 12 hours later and you can go back to your Kim Kardashian crying face, and stalking your ex on Instagram.